Paint like you’re a kid again

Monday, September 22

My mother paints abstract paintings and she always asks why I don’t do any abstract work.

I don’t know exactly.

Sometimes I think it might be because my abstract work won’t be taken seriously. Kind of an imposter syndrome kind of thing but also I guess because I don’t think to. I don’t daydream and think “hey, I think it would be quite interesting to paint sadness and frustration and I think I can achieve it with a certain palette and approach”. I do however quite often think of specific things, scenarios, stories or quirky things that I’ve learned about whose rendering in a painting would give me enjoyment. So that’s what I do.

I do really appreciate a lot of abstract work and the feelings that some pieces can evoke. I also often think about bringing in something which doesn’t represent an object but instead a concept or feeling or something that’s just not tangible. I’ll work on it. I’ll dabble.

Anyway, my son Max painted some paintings when he was just a toddler (he’s all grown up now) and my mother was showing him what fun it is to put some acrylic colours on a canvas panel. Nobody seems to want them anymore so rather than throw these away, I thought I would add to them and use one or two in my daily practice.

I also kept some of Max’s work for inspiration and built upon it. Just a wee bit of abstract.

Now… why is the washy orange there with purply pipe-like things and the bit of green? Gosh, I don’t know. The colours are kind of happy and a bit Eastery but also maybe sharp and dangerous and the goat does seem to be a bit in distress. It should all be green and grassy if things were ok but there’s something up with the grass. hmm… could be trouble. is he being sucked into something?

The thing is that all of that is post-rationalized to fit and that’s what makes me feel like a fraud when I do it. However, perhaps I just made the marks like that with all that above stuff swirling around in my subconscious. Maybe I could live with that.